Worried, stressed

We got the approval for the first application for jerrys immigration status. Im starting to get really nervous and jittery about the whole thing. Now that we got the first application approved, we'll send off the second application- along with the huge application fee they charge. Once that is approved- normally about 2-3 months- theyll give him his interview date. The interview's will be in Ciudad Juarez. Its one of the most dangerous cities in the world according to some magazine i was looking at. Two drug cartels/gangs are rivaling and theyre continually finding dead mutilated bodies in parks, side of the roads, etc. Thing is, its not just gang members being murdered- its children, women, men. He'll be in cuidad Juarez for four-five days while he gets a physical done by a contracted doctor that works with the government there. After his first interview, he can go to his mothers house in Mexico City while he waits for the second interview in 2-4 wks. Then he'll go back to Juarez for the second interview. At the second interview theyll either approve him, deny him, or tell him they need more time to decide. The lawyer said that he wont be denied bc he doesnt have any police record etc. If they approve him, ill have to pay another huge fee, then theyll mail him his visa and passport and he'll be able to come home the next week once everything is received by him.

Im just so worried about everything right now. Im worried that Ill be getting calls from crazy men saying they have my husband and I have to send money for him to be released. Im worried that he'll be put in the "need more time" pile and i wont be able to see him for who knows how long. Im scared that with him gone i wont be able to do everything i need to to take care of the house and hayden and the fees for every single thing thats needed.

Have i mentioned i HATE being home alone at night without him? Too many CSI and Criminal Mind episodes have been etched into my brain and I stay up all night long swearing that creak I heard must have been footsteps of some psychopath murderer there to chop me up. Am i nuts?

Its just so stressful. When i think too much about it my heart starts racing and I get a knot in my throat. I try to stay positive about it and not think about what COULD happen and isntead think about the plans we hve for when we return. Cruises, New York, Hawaii, etc. But what will i do when I have to say goodbye to him while not knowing when Ill see him again? I keep imaging what Hayden will say each night when his dad's not there to give him his baths like he normally does or wake him up in the morning to get dressed.

I knew going into this relationship with Jerry that eventually we would have to go through this. I just... didnt know it would be so dangerous, hard and stressful. It was selfish of me to have a baby before getting this done. Haydens not going to know what is goign on and that's hurting me even more.

:) I did it

We drove 3 hours and checked into our hotel at 11:30.
I woke up early and squeezed into my padded bicycle shorts, double sports bra, cute new biking shirt and shorts and placed on my helmet.
We met mom at the starting line.
We started ten minutes late.
Four hours later, I finished the 26 mile ride right behind mom. J Then we both devoured an Italian lunch. Yum.

I cried a little when I saw the end. I don’t know if it was because I was so proud that I had finished or that I was so grateful to not be passed out unconscious on the side of the road ten miles back- bc it almost happened...twice.

I’m so glad that I signed up for the ride, it was a really.. err.. I wouldn’t say FUN.. but enjoyable. I’m really happy that mom decided to come after all. If she hadn’t the ride would have been kind of boring. I did hold her back though, I’m a wimp on hills. The weather was perfect for a first timer. It was cloudy, had a cool breeze, and drizzled just a little. Here are some pictures:

This (above) is the trail map. We were on the yellow highlighted route. Where my grubby index finger (sorry guys, my bike chain kept falling off) is pointing- yah that’s where we thought we were currently standing. Im Pretty sure we were being generous..

This is me about halfway to the halfway stop. My face turns bright red when I’m flushed, or tired, or doing anything that makes me work my muscles. I was all three. The helmet makes me look sporty and awesome, I know.

This is a pic off a hill I had conquered.
And thats pretty much all the pictures i took. Mom was waiting for me at the top of the next hill and I was scared I was taking too long.

Support

I know i've already mentioned that I signed up for a 26 mile bicycle ride on saturday. Ive been practicing every day and preparing myself mentally for the ride. At first, I didnt realize just how long 26 miles would be. I figured i'd pack plenty of snacks and water and stop whenever I felt too winded, sit down, read a little (I kid) and continue riding when I felt up to it. As the days grew near and people's reactions went from amusement, to shock, and then doubt that I would actually finish the ride, I started feeling like it was a personal challenge to myself. I had to finish. I'm a lightweight when it comes to pushing myself to continue something once I tire of it, but i really want to do this. On Sunday I checked the weather reports and guess what? Its supposed to rain. Not only rain, but thunderstorm on Saturday. What the heck?? Why is it that each day that seems significant to me (please remember the mind numbingly cold December 5th day I chose for my wedding) always turn out to be horrible weather that tries to inhibit my plans? Monday passed, then Tuesday and as Wednsday snuck upon me I recieved word that it would, indeed, be rainy and wet and my fellow 26mile riders wouldnt be up to riding in the rain- which makes complete sense. But is it nuts that I still want to go on with my plans? I contacted the coordinator of the ride. He said rain or shine the ride would still be on. I just feel like its another negative situation trying to stop me from getting to my goal. I really want to do this for me. I know that if I finish, ill be so proud that I did it despite all the people who didnt think I would, and despite the challenges that were thrown at me (darn rain). So.. I decided to do it. Im getting some sporty sunglasses (repels the water and will hide my tears as my muscles/fat rolls scream for me to stop and replinish their cheeto supply) and im going to peddle my butt off to make it 26 miles to the finish marker. Then eat me a darn good lunch.

Please bring me some soup on Sunday- im sure ill either be passed out on the couch, unable to move, or suffering from a severe cold from being wet, cold, and exhausted for several hours.

Empty Head

I keep trying to think of something to blog about.. but everything that is interesting to me has already been heard from by most of you.. mainly my mom- sorry mom, youre one of my vomit friends.

Jerrys mom had to do an emergency hysterectomy (sp?) last week. The doctors in mexico refused to see her at first because they wanted the money upfront, so she was sent home hemorrhaging. We sent her money, Manuel sent her money, and jerrys father went and borrowed money from friends/family in their hometown. She had the procedure done, then they refused to give her pain meds for the same reason.. so we sent more money. I just don't understand how you could refuse to help someone who is in desperate need of help. Shes doing fine now, but we're having to send her more money this week to pay for more hospital bills/medicine/ who knows what.

Hayden is talking nonstop. Yesterday, as we played on the couch, he tooted and giggled. I said "ew, stinkybutt" then he leaned over, cupped his hands next to his mouth and whispered "Dada.. stinky butt" with a big smile and giggled some more. It was very funny, but you had to be there. Now I'm rethinking my word choice and hope that a classmate isn't being called stinky butt today because of me. If so, I'm sorry.

I want to go on a cruise.. Ive researched it, and for a four day trip with Carnival that stops in Cozumel its around $70 bucks per night per person for three people in one room (two twin beds with pullout couch )with an ocean view. That's not bad, huh? I thought it would be so fun to do a girls retreat and all us girls of the family go and enjoy four days without kids, or diapers, or poop in their shoes(im scarred for life). Beki and I are ready to hop on, not sure jerry would be able to handle hayden though. Anyone else interested? We would leave from Galveston, TX

Ive signed up for the bike ride that mom's doing. Im nervous.. mainly about how much my thighs and buttocks will hurt the next day. I busted out my bike from the garage.. and was not impressed. :( I haven't seen it since 2006. It was.. slightly.. ugly. I dont know what i was thinking when i picked it out. Bright purple, pink handlebars and lime green cable coverings. Like.. 80's style. I was going to just sport it and not care, but after riding around the gear shift wont work and i was wiping off the round plastic guard behind the back tire's chain thing, and it like.. broke into a million pieces. So.. i'm thinking we might go look at some cheap bikes this weekend. So 26 miles with my madre and jennifer. Im excited, scared, and need to download Eye of The Tiger and start practicing. Wish me luck.

Woot

Let me just say, that the family reunion was the best so far. I had so much fun talking to everyone and watching what everyone was doing. Beki wants to do a talent show next year. Ive been practicing on my soul singing, so get ready for me awesomeness.

Ive lost twelve pounds. Im 13 lbs from my goal. I was really scared that I would totally blow my diet over the reunion, but i didnt do too bad. The chocolate chex mix thing almost got me, but i just stole a little here and there from beki.

Also, wanted to say Thank you to everyone i mooched off of! I really did have sandwich stuff at the house- i just forgot it. And I didnt read closely enough to catch the hot dog error. Sorry! Thanks for sharing. :D

I came home in a bad mood- I didnt want to be back so soon!

Hayden wont stop talking about "Aubie", "Grudoo", "Poppop", and "Beka". I mention fish and he pulls me to the door to go fishing.

Hayden has also decided that he does not want to wear diapers anymore :). All this weekend he ran around butt-naked and used the potty each time. No accidents. Yay. I couldnt get him to wear undies though..

One more point about the reunion.. then ill move on to something else. I never realized how amazingly lucky I was to have such a great family until this past week. I knew it was great. But as I watched people naturally picking up abigail as she cried without thinking twice, passing out bananas to hungry toddlers, laughing at silly jokes, and squirting shaving cream on their heads in attempt to win bragging rights, I really saw just how awesome my family is. I just want to say that even though i dont see everyone that often, I had so much fun with you and love all of you.

Okay.. that was my emotional outburst of the day. Jenny, please dont kill me for having so many mistakes. I was in a hurrrrryy..

Peace out.

My Morning

5:45am- wake up hungry. Very hungry. I think about how much i want to read more of the Breaking Dawn book ive been working on.. for the second time. Get out of bed.
5:47am- After using the restroom, I step on the scale, hoping that the previous act has magically lifted ten pounds off my body. I sigh. Unfortunately it has not.
5:50am- I finally finish staring at the unwelcomed number on the scale and shuffle to the living room to do my morning Wii workout.
5:54am- I actually step onto the Wii board and it weighs me, again and shows me how much ive lost. The result makes my little mini Wii bloat up and have love handles, just like me. Then a big red "OVERWEIGHT" pops up. I grunt and scratch my leg. Im hungry. I half heartedly stretch and crunch for fifteen minutes. My body is sprawled on the floor and im sweating. I suddenly realise that I dont even have a shirt on and wonder if i had just given the neighbors an early morning show. I crawl onto the couch and read from Breaking Dawn.
6:22 Hayden wakes up and I hear jerry stirring. I go into the bathroom, sit down, and continue reading. Jerry calls my name. "Im in the bathroom! That food last night didnt sit well with me!" I chuckle at my cleverness then relax back on the toilet to continue reading about Bellas troubles. Hehheh.
6:34 I suddenly remember that ive got to shower and eat before dropping Jerry off. I drop my clothes and jump into he shower. Hayden cries for me and puts his chubby fingers under the door trying to get my attention.
6:40 I cant find a towell. I result in using my sleeping pants. I slip on my clothes. The fabric sticks to my wet thighs.
6:50 I start the car, Jerry brings hayden out with his yogurt and puts him in. As jerry is buckling hayden in, Hayden says "PooPoo?" and refuses to sit down correctly. Jerry sighs and takes hayden inside to change his diaper. He returns and we drive to drop Jerry off.
7:03 We're returning home and I hear hayden say "Uh-Oh". I look over and see that he has dumped half of his yogurt on his shirt and buckles and it was starting to flow onto his legs. At this moment I notice haydens feet are black.
7:15 I arrive home, only to realise that Jerry had taken my key and the door was locked. I called him angrily demanding to know the reason he took the key. He gave me a very calm answer. I hang up, somewhat disappointed that I didnt get the angry response i was hoping for that would feed my bad mood. I deicde to use my credit card to enter through the back door. The dog is jumping and nipping at my pant legs. I push him away and see that he has totally dirtied up my pants. Great. I hear hayden in the car crying. I imagine myself kicking the door in like they do in the movies. With a grunt and a few choice words i manage to pop the door open. I open the front door and retrieve hayden.
7:33 I feel like im goign to chew my face off. I search for my cereal and find its empty carcass lying in the trash. Victim of Jerrys late night snacking. My eyes well up as I think about having to endure the hunger longer.
7:45 Im almost finished getting ready. Thoughts of donuts and pastries race through my head. Hayden comes up to me with a browning slimmy banana that he has been carrying around for the past 10 minutes and demands that i take a "vite". I offend him when I say no and he cries.
7:56 I drop hayden off at daycare and drive to Brothers Bakery to buy out the store.
8:03 I arrive at my work, walk in with my mouth full of delicious sweet bread and sausage. I sit down and clock in.

Im so glad tomorrows friday.

Crazy Days

Things have been pretty busy this last month.

*I pulled hayden out of the daycare he was going to. I have had continuous problems with their communication and lack of care for hayden. To make a long story short, I finally felt so uncomfortable with him being there I pulled him out. A friend I work with has a sister who is the owner of Tierra Vista Montessori School here in town and reccomended it to me. At first i was kind of iffy about putting him in a strict school. However, after i met with the owner I felt so comfortable. The owner was so super sweet and actually started to tear up talking about the parent volunteers and children she watches. The school is in an old two story house. It just felt so homey and child friendly. Hayden LOVES Mrs. Shelly (the owner). Each morning I open the door to the house and he runs inside and gives her a big hug. I can tell he's happy. He's so much calmer at home and doesnt throw as many fits.
*Speaking of Hayden, We've been starting to potty train him. It's so cute when he does his little happy dance after he poo's in the potty. He looks so proud.
*We're still waiting on word from the state about the next step to jerrys legal stuff. It seems to be taking forrrrrrrrrrreeeeeever. But they sure did cash that check fast enough. We were told that he'd be sent to mexico in December for the interviews and be back probably 4-6wks later, however it seems to be taking longer than expected.
*We've done a lot to the house. Its coming around. I just really dont like the floors. Wish i would have done tile or wood instead. Im going to post some pics of the updates.
*The puppy is doing good. We named him Chicle (spanish for gum) because he just sticks to us everytime we go outside to play. Hes a coward. Major coward. No protecting us there. He runs from the crows that steal his food.
*I love laughing so hard that i start crying. Afterwards i just feel so relaxed and calm. Ahhh. :)

so to remind you. There used to be blue carpet on the floors. And there used to be a wall where the arch is. The door to the master used to be where the diamond mirror is, we moved it to the hallway. the living room area also used to be where the dining room table is now in the pics. The opening to the kitchen used to be where the tv is now at.. we flipped it around so it opened into the smaller space (new dining area) and closed it in so that there would be a bigger living area and a little more.. flow? to it.